Transcription project - Comedian research

For the transcription research I have to find different comedians which use interesting language to help place a good visual image within ones mind.

• Peter Kay

 "There used to be an old woman who lived next door to us. There was a power cut one night, so my mum went round to see if she was all right. She said, 'I thought there'd been a power cut – then a bus went past with its lights on . . .'"

• Robin Williams

"Honey, you gotta pick a race first. All of a sudden you're a black man, then you're Diana Ross, now you're Audrey Hepburn. Then he's got the little beard going on. He's like Lord Of The Rings, the entire cast. Michael's about to jump species." [on Michael Jackson]

• Eddie Izzard

The Spanish Inquisition wouldn’t have worked with Church of England. “Talk! Will you talk!” “But it hurts!” “Well, loosen it up a bit, will you? Fine… Cause that’s what it would be. “Tea and cake or death? Tea and cake or death? Tea and cake or death!” Students would be, “Tea and cake or death! Tea and cake or death! Little Red Cookbook! Little Red Cookbook!” Ca – you know, cause, “Cake or death?” That’s a pretty easy question. Everybody – anyone could answer that. “Cake or death?” “Uhh, cake please.” “Very well! Give him cake!” “Oh, thanks very much. It’s very nice.” “You! Cake or death?” “Uh, cake for me, too, please.” “Very well! Give him cake, too! We’re gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?” “Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry…” “You said death first, ah ha, ah ha, death first!” “Well, I meant cake!” “Oh, all right. You’re lucky I’m Church of England!” “Cake or death?” “Uh, cake please.” “Well, we’re out of cake! Well, we only had three bits and we didn’t expect such a rush. So what do you want?” “Well, so my choice is ‘or death?” “Well, have the chicken then, please. Taste of humans, sir. Would you like a white wine? There you go, thank you very much. Thank you for flying Church of England, cake or death?”

• Dave Chappelle

*Dials 911*

"Hello, emergency..."
"Help! Help, motherf**ker, they coming to get me!"
"Now, just calm down sir. Where are you?"
"Oooohhh! Oh, I shit on myself! I can't stop crying!"

They play that s**t 30 or 40 times a day. Man, you see your buddies at your funeral. You know Dave s**t on himself before he died. Saw it on the news, died crying like a bitch. I be dead, I can't defend myself. That's not a nice thing to do. That's not a nice thing to do. No one calls 911 cool and relaxed. Now that s**t would sound ridiculous:

"Hello, emergency... "

"Hey 911 how are you? Yeah, aah, look... There's a group of hooded white men gathering outside my house. And it looks like they mean business. "Get out here ni**er." I gotta go. You guys try and hurry."

• Pablo Francisco "Little Tortilla Boy"

 "In the city you must fight to survive, he sold tortillas on the corner. And the mob wanted in. I dont know who this guy is, but I want him and his tortillas. He had one chance and his chance was to fight back. Arnold Schwarzenegger, "listen to me, these are my tortillas, im not going to give them up here. You have to get out of here. They're trying to kill you, get out of here!" Double the action, triple the excitement. "Get down!" More of the excitement. "Get Down again!" They didn't know who he was. "Who are those men who came here? What do they want?" "Listen to me Korina, you have to get out of here. They're trying to take my tortillas!" One man, one solution! Arnold Schwarzenegger, this summer is, Little Tortilla Boy! ChaCha on!"

Chris